Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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