I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
