I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
