Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
