Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
