im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
