I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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