I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
