I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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