I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
