So drunk its hurt
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
