My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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