So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
