Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
