I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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