I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
