meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
