Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
