In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
