Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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