Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
