Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
