We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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