my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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