Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
