so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
