Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
