we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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