One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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