Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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