Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There r osticjed everywhere
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
