Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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