my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
