I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
