we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
