her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
