so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
