if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
