i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
