Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to calm my uterus...
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