I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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