My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
