I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
