I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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