I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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