Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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