i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
