So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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