If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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