my vag is so smooth its legendary
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
