wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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