loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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