I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
