My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
