My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
