The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
