FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
