One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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