how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
false alarm, still single
Randomize
