I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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