I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
