Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
