you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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