come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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