I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to make out with him forever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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