Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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