The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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