I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
