it's not cheating when I paid for it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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