what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
