I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
