dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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